There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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