Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
