Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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