Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
