The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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