Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
