hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
