why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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