I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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