is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
