this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
