Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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