Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize