My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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