Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
