The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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