Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
