That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize