That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
