Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
