The maid of honor just puked.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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