So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
