Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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