You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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