You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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