I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
