I hate all girls vehemently.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
