they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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