Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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