This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have fence marks all over my body
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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