did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
