hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
