NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
