how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
