i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
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