i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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