so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
