She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
