i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
