I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
