It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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