if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
