i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
