ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
