All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
