the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
