it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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