Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize