If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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