i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
