I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
