Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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