We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
