Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
