with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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