just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
