the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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