How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
