Well apparently he's into motor boating.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
