i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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