I smell stomach acid.
I look better un-naked...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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