I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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