Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
