yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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