girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
