...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
