If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize