I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
