Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
